Celebri-itism

Fame is my religion
I am spiritual and religious
I'm a 21st century illegitimate reporter
Cause I can tell you everything
That's happening
From Canada to the southern border
And I'm not talking about no hard news, that "real news"
I'm talking about the things that truly matter
Like Lindsay Lohans remaining days in rehab
And why Fergie couldn't hold her bladder.
While most people may judge me
And say I'm nothing but gossip and idle chatter
This is the world we live in
Where celebrities are glorified
Whose daily lives have quickly become of significance
Rising upon the ladder.
And while I wait for the billboard charts to update their data
I'm online reading up on Will & Jada
Did you know the Beckams
Finally gave birth to a baby girl?
They named her Harper Seven
I read about it in a magazine
At the nearest seven/eleven.
I'm still distraught that MTV cut out all their music videos
I'm online as we speak writing out a petition
I'll make a formal announcement
Soon on your local radios.
I must say Britney Spears, "you drive me crazy"
When K.Fed left you, and you were "falling off the edge of your mind,"
When you shaved your head bald
And started dressing as if you were blind
I was buying every magazine you were featured on at that time.
I was obsessed!
Thank god for the paparazzi!
They kept me up to date on your happenings
I was on it like a tamagotchi
Even though they would be partially responsible for your untimely demise
Think about it, you would have gone out with a bang
Like Marilyn Monroe and Princess Diana
Living in the afterlife
Like the vampire Lestat from
A novel written by Anne Rice
While I dream of vacationing with the superstars like Hanna Montana
Laid out on the beach in the Hamptons
And sipping drinks in my cabana
I’m too much of a recluse
I need to stay home
And watch my E! News
I keep pressing "refresh" on Perez Hilton's page
Just to stay up to date
If you are busy with work and kids to keep up, don't be bitter
You can follow me @TupacIsAlive on twitter
So now your judging me because I know all the names of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitts kids
I won't give you the satisfaction
I don't know not one person who doesn't know Maddox, Pax, Zahara, Shiloh, Knox, and Vivienne
And OMG did you hear about Charlie Sheen?
That dude is coocoo for coco puffs
Popping pills for the both of us!
I usually skip over CNN and the fox 5 news, although I sometimes catch The View
I usually watch their "Hot Topics" and then turn the channel
And look for something new
In celebrity news
So I hear Marc Anthony and J.Lo
Are getting a divorce?
Well...It's only a matter of months until she finds another man to court
This is almost as big as
Prince changing his name to a symbol
And we had to refer to him as
"The artist formerly known as Prince"
Maybe it's all irrelevant
But fuck it
I'm a rolling stone
Bee bopping to the sounds
Of my Lil’ Wayne's and Beyoncé’s
I hear my stomach growl
I think I'm hungry
Nicki Minaj said,
"Put some ranch I’m getting the munchies,
I think Ill have a rap bitch for my entree"
But before I go
Rest in peace goes out to Michael
You will be dearly missed
I'm still trying to learn the dance moves to "Remember The Time" and "Smooth Criminal"
All praises go out to Lady Gaga
She brought pop back
And judging from her Facebook it seems everybody "likes" that.

Co-Dependent

I was a ship on a voyage
You were my anchor
Slowing me down,
Stopping me if needed be

I was the flowing paper
In the office with the ajar window
And you were my nifty paperweight

I backpedalled and turned into a needy infant
And you were the breast I needed to wean from

I was the body
That filled the recliner
And you asked me, “how far back?”
I was the house
And you were the protective yard dog
Ready to jump if I said, “attack!”

I was the ceiling
And you were the columns
Carrying my weight
Never allowing me to cave in
And as they walked on me
You tried to teach me to trust the walls
You tried to tell me the wall wouldn’t let me fall

I was the obese
And you were my savior
Of an emotional eater
Fuck it
I’ll admit it
I was the addict
And you were my drug
Dope feigning my way through life
But it was okay
It was you who I loved

You were my confidence
Because I believed everything you said
You were my hope
Because you were everything that I had dreamt
And with every word that I said
Every phonetic was deeply and sincerely meant

And you made a decision
You cut me with such careful precision
And quickly I became kin to an elderly on life-support
And you were my
Automated external defibrillator
Sending an electrical shock to my faint heart

But you cut me off

So I had to learn how to breathe again
Had to pump blood through my lower ventricles
To my upper atriums
And out of my aorta
And teach my heart how to beat again
I had to open my eyes
And adjust my vision
I had to learn how to see again
Q-tip to my ears
I had to clear way
So I can begin to listen
I had to confide in my knowing voice
I had to speak up, speak loud
I had to learn how to speak again
I had to trust in the nearest wall
Long enough for me to lean on
And learn how to walk again
One foot in front of the other
Building the muscles in my feeble legs
Enough to carry me through
And on my own
I had to do it alone.