Just Breath… It Gets Better

We were a kiss in the winter night. That slight feeling of familiarity in a sea of discomfort. We took unto each other as any symbiotic relationship would. As much as you needed me, I was too ashamed to say I needed you too. I wanted to be your hero, but who is willing to be the hero of a hero?

Scattered moments recollected. Memories were all we had of you, beautiful you. You left a footprint on many of hearts. This of course brought out the green in my eyes filled with envy, which I covered with lies.

I had wished I was the one and only one you touched so deeply, but I wasn’t the only one swaying through the darkness of bereavement. I could empathize with every other being you had known in your lifetime and it killed me. The irony was like a stray bullet to the heart; not intended and so unexpected. Your feelings of inadequacy were the death of you. Neglect caused a constant ripple. You thought nobody loved you.

You were so wrong.

I could have so easily been in your shoes. You were me, but I was so you. That was before I met you. Maybe you were like my guardian angel. When I cried out for help you saved me from myself.

You gave me life.

You gave me poetry.

Someone Like You

Someone like you always comes around, from time to time, and reminds me that I get lonely.

Most days I'm cool, like an ice cold drink by the pool.

But then you come around with your too cool for school attitude,
Worn Leather jacket, your shades and a cigarette
You Turn me on like an engine
To a 18 wheeler pick up truck
I have the sudden urge to get down on my knees
And blow you like a clarinet.

It's no secret I like your features
But I refuse to act like
A little school girl brooding over you by the bleachers.

So I'm gonna fall back and keep my cool
Even if that subsequently means I might lose you

A Moment in Introspection

It’s been several months since I have posted anything on here, and in those few months so much has changed. While change can be a good thing I have realized change is something that is hard to get accustomed to. I have been slowly but surely learning how to wean myself from people I depend on, whether it be consciously or subconsciously. One of my biggest flaws is my dependence on things, from my substance abuse to my co-dependency in people. I am trying to get to a point where I can stand on my own two feet. I look around and all of my peers seemed to have surpassed me on professional and personal levels. Being my own worst critic I get down on myself a lot because of it, but my mom always said I work at my own pace. I believe the most frustrating thing about it for me is that it is not as easy as snapping my finger or simply telling myself to do it, but like with anything new I have to put myself out there and try it.

I was just perusing through my catalog of poetry and LOVE seems to be such a ubiquitous fixture in my literary work. It made me think about my past relationships and how I have grown since as a person. I believe I loved love so much in my past that I loved love even when it hurt, because even when I knew that that love was no good for me, or even right for me at that particular moment, I stayed just to be in love. Now, that there is some deep shit. I can only hope that I am learning from these experiences, but every once in while I get caught up in my past. And while its okay to revisit HIStory (MYstory) it is never okay for me to repeat it. There is this wonderful quote by Maya Angelou that I live by when dealing with my sobriety. “When you know better you do better.” Now I’m just on this path of trying to do better in life and in love. I cannot get caught and entangled by thoughts of my past and what I could and should have done. What is done is did. All I can do now is look up at my future ahead and so far its on track to be a good one.