A Moment in Introspection

It’s been several months since I have posted anything on here, and in those few months so much has changed. While change can be a good thing I have realized change is something that is hard to get accustomed to. I have been slowly but surely learning how to wean myself from people I depend on, whether it be consciously or subconsciously. One of my biggest flaws is my dependence on things, from my substance abuse to my co-dependency in people. I am trying to get to a point where I can stand on my own two feet. I look around and all of my peers seemed to have surpassed me on professional and personal levels. Being my own worst critic I get down on myself a lot because of it, but my mom always said I work at my own pace. I believe the most frustrating thing about it for me is that it is not as easy as snapping my finger or simply telling myself to do it, but like with anything new I have to put myself out there and try it.

I was just perusing through my catalog of poetry and LOVE seems to be such a ubiquitous fixture in my literary work. It made me think about my past relationships and how I have grown since as a person. I believe I loved love so much in my past that I loved love even when it hurt, because even when I knew that that love was no good for me, or even right for me at that particular moment, I stayed just to be in love. Now, that there is some deep shit. I can only hope that I am learning from these experiences, but every once in while I get caught up in my past. And while its okay to revisit HIStory (MYstory) it is never okay for me to repeat it. There is this wonderful quote by Maya Angelou that I live by when dealing with my sobriety. “When you know better you do better.” Now I’m just on this path of trying to do better in life and in love. I cannot get caught and entangled by thoughts of my past and what I could and should have done. What is done is did. All I can do now is look up at my future ahead and so far its on track to be a good one.